On my toes

i'm finding it hard to write lately. i have a lot of thoughts -- some of them bothers me, some i relish on, some i can't seem to stop thinking about. there are some that scares the hell out of me, and some i can't help but look forward to. i have more than some stories to tell, but ironically -- every time i touch a pen or face the monitor, i lose the words. i find myself choosing my words carefully, or maybe too carefully -- i always end up with none.

so sad a fate of wordlessness -- i'm emoing and it sucks. i'm no good at this, i can't stand the drama. it's either i move on or shrug it off my shoulders. if there's one thing i'm good at, it'll be at dealing with what i have to and if need be -- moving on. or maybe i'm just too scared to get too tied down? i don't care. it's working well for me now.

i'm even amazed at how this trail of thought is leading me on. if a psychologist will read this -- he'll be able to point out the actual subject i'm nailing on. i'm just coating it with breadcrumbs and several sauces, but at the end of the day -- it's the same meat. crazy, huh? no, not really. just a lot of things running around in my head. i'm psychoanalyzing and self-diagnosing. it helps somehow -- in letting me deal with the how to's and the what not to's, but it can be too sickening -- argh!

well, i don't want to waste my time wallowing in those statics, there are numerous things i still need to tick off my checklist -- things to do, places to go to, food to eat, da da da. let me take a deep breath and start planning -- i have an island to explore, whale sharks to swim with and a volcano to photograph.

God is just great, he never runs out of tricks for me. he keeps me on my toes! i'm just glad that despite these tricks, he always provides a better option for my time and well-being. *laughs*