Ramblings on a Rainy Day

I should stop re-posting my status here in my blog -- it's sickeningly redundant. Not that people read this anyway -- it's just redundant. That itself is enough to make me sick -- and yes, I'm talking like Holden in Catcher in the Rye. I can totally make a point with these words with only the first sentence in tow -- and the whole thought would be complete. I can't shut-up anyway.

My position bothers me right now, not totally but somehow it does. I am totally opposite my own reflection -- since I placed my netbook in the dresser with an old huge mirror in the middle. 

And every time I look up -- I see myself. Together with a lot of things I'd rather not think about -- i.e. my hair badly needs a retouch, I haven't taken a bath, dark circles starting to form under my eyes, I'm slouching... Do i need a haircut? No, I'm determined to grow my hair this time. Really now? Well, until I get bored enough to hit the nearest salon. I haven't even brushed my teeth! Not kissing anyone anyway.

I'm touching my belly -- it's growing from eating non-stop since I arrived last Friday. Not even a week yet, and I'm settling down really well. My belly's growing it's own built-in belt bag. Somehow, I'm practicing how I'm going to look like if I get pregnant. Like this, huh? *looking at the mirror sideways, letting my belly protrude

Not bad, eh. Well, I really do hope a baby's growing inside my belly right now. With my reproductive health issues -- I seriously want to have a baby ASAP. The ongoing question around is "Who's the daddy?". Well, I'd say -- it's a donor. Identity not important. The important thing is -- his cell gave life to mine.

I am excited to know if there's life in my belly right now. I'm reading books on pregnancy and motherhood already. I even researched regarding early signs of pregnancy! If my period doesn't come by the 19th -- I'm crossing my fingers and toes!!! There better be --- 

I still have mixed feelings regarding it. I know a lot of things will change with it - my relationships with a lot of people including my family, my priorities, my future. But I think I'm strong enough to handle those. God knows I want to have kids -- and hearing the doctor's words saying I might not have one if don't make one ASAP is enough to rock my world big time. 

What I did might be a little too rash and drastic. But please.. Let there be life in me.